Machloket: How Jews Argue

The machloket (a way of disagreeing and debating) is a traditional way of exploring important Jewish values and practices on which we may strongly disagree.

The mindset of a machloket:

1. Arguing and debating ideas is an important way Judaism gives us to learn.

The goal is always to understand all the viewpoints and learn from them, even if we don't agree with them.

2. Challenging a person's ideas isn't rejection and isn't intended to humiliate. It is a way of clarifying and understanding The other person's point of view.

If you're trying to humiliate the other, prove them (not just the idea) 'wrong' or 'win' you aren't arguing according to Jewish tradition.

3. Being challenged openly, but with respect, gives you the opportunity of having your views heard and understood by others.

When you can show what you believe you gain the respect of others, even if they disagree.

Answering honest questions makes us stronger. We need to know "why we believe what we believe"

4. The goal isn't to make others agree with you - but to bring them to where they understand your point of view.

When you are through debating there should be no animosity or hurt feelings.

5. When making a statement, you should be prepared to back it up.

If you're unsure and looking for other viewpoints, it's best to do this as a question rather than a statement of fact. ("What do you think of...?" "Do you agree with?...Why?")

We see the value and power of the machloket in this Talmudic story from Eruvin 13b:

שלש שנים נחלקו ב"ש וב"ה הללו אומרים הלכה כמותנו והללו אומרים הלכה כמותנו

For three years, the House of Hillel and the House of Shammai argued. One said, 'The halakha is like us,' and the other said, 'The halakha is like us.'
יצאה בת קול ואמרה

A heavenly voice spoke:

אלו ואלו דברי אלהים חיים הן והלכה כב"ה

"These and these are the words of the living God, and the halakha is like the House of Hillel."

וכי מאחר שאלו ואלו דברי אלהים חיים מפני מה זכו ב"ה לקבוע הלכה כמותן מפני שנוחין ועלובין היו ושונין דבריהן ודברי ב"ש

A question was raised: Since the heavenly voice declared: "Both these and those are the words of the Living God," why was the halacha established to follow the opinion of Hillel? It is because the students of Hillel were kind and gracious. They taught their own ideas as well as the ideas from the students of Shammai.

ולא עוד אלא שמקדימין דברי ב"ש לדבריהן

Not only for this reason, but they went so far as to teach Shammai's opinions first.

Committing ourselves to practicing this traditional form of learning will make us stronger and increase holiness in the world, one. machloket at a time.

(Talmud text from Sefaria.org)